THINGS THIS 40-ISH WOMAN IS DOIN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AIRPORT RIGHT NOW...
O'Hare. American terminal.
- •The splits. Just dropped into them. Out of nowhere. Then started stretching.
- •Now pretzel legs.
- •Into pretzel legs hand stand. I want to take a picture, but she's looking around to make sure people are looking at her. I'll be caught. It's too early for that.
- •Now regular hand stand, legs 6 feet in the air. Tucked shirt in first. Totally premeditated.
- •Now one leg way up in the air, ballet style, hiding onto foot with hand.
- •Old man loving it.
- •Back to pretzel, but walking around on knees. Boyfriend reveals self, joins in. Also very flexible.
- •Several children have gathered now. She's helping them try her moves. This has to happen every time, and she knows.
- •They've failed. Can't do moves. She's that good.
- •Children have been pulled away by parents.
- •Alone. She goes into leg in air, both hands and other foot on floor.
- •Deep squat. Like shitting in the woods style. Boyfriend joins in.
- •And back to splits, hands out to feet, chin to floor. The AIRPORT floor.
- •She's all done. Uses picking up bag as last final stretch. Got her. She leaves.
- •Old man takes off.
- •Plot twist: I overheard old man mention his husband while boarding. He wasn't leering. Just appreciating. Maybe both.
- •Was I being judgmental about all this? Sure. I'm human. Thanks though, lady.