Reasons why I ain't shit

*stumbles on stage & loudly unfolds crumpled paper* A comprehensive list of reasons I ain't shit (and never have been)
  1. I'm still fucking with my manipulative, vindictive, controlling ex-boyfriend and think that just b/c he buys me shit and does what I want him to without me having to give up ass that I'm winning but low-key I'm just perpetuating an unhealthy relationship that'll make it harder for me to move on so who really takes the L here
  2. I fake sext the HELL out of these niggas knowing damn well I can't even take a smack on the ass without screaming Hail Mary
  3. This is legit how I've controlled at least 87% of every guy I was in a relationship with
  4. I think because my name is Diamond I should work under pressure and then use it as justification for my procrastination
  5. Can't take French kissing seriously. Like never. So I act like a child and do weird shit like spit my gum in his mouth when he asks for a kiss
  6. I'll stan for shit like this, then turn around and still group all niggas in the same category then play the game with a SKRONG pimp hand
  7. A school bus hit my car and paid me upward of $1700 dollars & instead of fixing damages I spent it on Fashion Nova, Sephora, food, Best Buy, & hair products 🤗