TOP TEN THINGS THE VMA'S RESEMBLED LAST NIGHT

  1. WWE (If it was fake)
  2. A community theater group trapped in a dirty bong.
  3. A Rip Taylor post-Outback Steakhouse dinner fever dream.
  4. Being stuck in the store JUSTICE overnight.
  5. What it would be like if there weren't any real problems in the world...wait...
  6. Watching two bricks in a clothes dryer.
  7. Watching three douche kits in a clothes dryer.
  8. Watching ten dildos in a clothes dryer.
  9. That time in the eighth grade when your friends got "so wasted" on Miller Sharp's.
  10. What getting a lobotomy and a handjob at the exact same time might feel like.