Crushes in the adult world

Not much has changed since I was a teenager
  1. I manage to bring up lovely topics, like vomiting, in conversation.
    It's like watching a car crash in slow motion.
  2. I sweat and my voice shakes.
  3. I stalk the shit out of your Facebook.
    I know what you were doing 5 years ago.
  4. I desperately look for your negative qualities.
    Please be rude, please do or say something rude and make me not like you.