WHAT I DID TODAY

  1. Ruined someone's day by sending them a cease and desist letter
    Don't infringe other people's intellectual property, kids.
  2. With the help of Buzzfeed, discovered which SNL icon I am
    Bill Hader, in case you were wondering
  3. Drank a cookie butter ice blended from Coffee Bean
    That did not taste like cookie butter at all
  4. Forced my dog to wear a polka-dotted shirt
  5. Nearly gagged on a piece of chicken fat during dinner
    That's what I get for ordering crappy fake Chinese food.