THINGS MY MOM HAS LITERALLY SAID...

My mother is the quintessential Long Island Italian mother. I love her to the moon and back, but she says some crazy shit. STAY TUNED FOR MORE!! (Apologies for the language, if you are offended please see @trevormorrow for hike and butterfly lists)
  1. I should have been born with a dick but instead I married two!
    Re: my step dad not watering the flowers in the backyard and some of them starting to die.
  2. I wish I was a lesbian in the jungle.
    Re: a time of frustration during my parents divorce. She said this while washing dishes in the kitchen and it is to date my favorite line.
  3. And try not to look for it with your ass!
    Re: anytime me or my brother would try to look for something in the house and couldn't find it.
  4. Have you heard from dickhead?
    Re: anytime she asked about whether or not I had heard from my dad.
  5. Oh ya motha's ass!
    Re: any moment of frustration. Most people say "damn"
  6. Look at this motha fucka crazy bastard fuck!
    Re: the one and only time my mom drove me to JFK on the southern state pkwy and someone cut us off.