THINGS MY MOM HAS LITERALLY SAID...EPISODE II

  1. "Oh yeah? You'll occasionally get a bottle of water thrown from a helicopter...(long pause) I DONT KNOW HOW THE PEACE CORPS WORKS!"
    My mom mocking my brother when he said he wanted to join the peace corps.
  2. "You're going to walk into his apartment and be like you're a fucking deuche bag!"
    My mom describing what my reaction would be to my brother's new apartment in Dallas...he claimed it is a dump. My first apartment in LA was a studio off Wilshire with 2 other dudes.
  3. "It's like you're sucking someone's asshole. The next time they tell you to get them M&Ms say fuck you here's two dollars go to the vending machine and get it yourself!"
    My mom's take on my telling her how I had to arrange for someone to pickup a cast member's rider for a shoot.
  4. "This is what your brother left in a message, "Hi mom happy birthday, I have bad news...I found a bug in my apartment and I'm breaking my lease!"...I hope he has a good time moving his ass out"
    My mom quoting my brother in a text he sent to her on her birthday.
  5. "I can't wait till Donald Trump is president...that way he can tell everyone to fuck off"
    FoxNews is on a lot in my house, can't fault her really...if you have a never ending stream of hot blondes telling you Trump is faaaantastic you'd be on board too.