1. "It's just not working out"
    You're not a fit here and no one wants to work with you. It's not your performance, or else we would talk about that. It's just you.
  2. "Interesting"
    This word could mean any of the following: this is boring as hell and no one cares but you / it's stupid and only a moron would believe that's true / you have confirmed that you are the social pariah that I suspected that you are
  3. "We're placing you on a Performance improvement plan"
    We are documenting your last month of employment with us as a proactive stance in case you try to sue us
  4. "It's employee opinion survey time! All survey responses are confidential."
    We think we're great. We want every person to take this survey. We don't care who you are as long as you confirm that we're great.
  5. "We care more about the feelings and career aspirations of our employees than anything else."
    This is just a lie. Look for another job immediately.