1. PLAY UP THE SELF DEPRECATION
  2. REMIND THEM THAT YOU'RE NEW EVERY 5 MINUTES
  3. GIVE THEM FREE SHIT
  4. WHATEVER THEY ORDER TELL THEM IT WAS A GREAT CHOICE (everyone likes to be patted on the back)
  5. CASUALLY BRING UP YOUR STUDENT LOANS
  6. BLAME ANY AND ALL MISTAKES ON THE KITCHEN STAFF