WHY I LEFT THE BABY SHOWER
- •The coffee sucked.
- •I'd rather go on a run. That's just sad.
- •It was 2 hours in and mama to be still hadn't started to open the presents. What the fudd?
- •There were at least 300 presents. At 1 present for every 5 minutes it takes to unwrap and thank... Fuck, I'm out.
- •I just wanted to hide by the desert table and stuff my face but the fact that mama to be was 7 months pregnant and still looked like a super model made me rethink that 4th cheesecake cup. Bitch.
- •Consistently asked "When's yours?" Temped to answer back "When hell freezes over or Clive Owen calls me back."
- •My mom was getting a little tipsy. Yeah, I left her there. I'm terrible.
- •I can be dreadfully awkward at these things.
- •No games. It's a fucking Gift that I'm here in the first place. I want to feel like a winner.