BANDS I AM SUPPOSED TO LIKE THAT I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE

as a hipster douche millennial musician entertainer type, there're some generally accepted "great/legendary" bands I'm supposed to like, that…reverse spoiler alert…I do not. they are as follows. (will update as I think of more). also, looking for truly ubiquitous/historically respected acts, not your open-mic bit from '04 on Nickelback's popularity
  1. The Rolling Stones
    in a phrase that's gonna apply to a couple acts on this list, I genuinely appreciate and respect what this band did for music as a whole, but there is not a single Rolling Stones song I don't immediately change if given the opportunity. I can't stand the logo, I can't stand Mic Jagger, and I CAN get satisfaction, by pretending this band doesn't exist.
  2. Pink Floyd
    if you line up Dark Side of the Moon with the start of a wood-chipper, you get a much better album.
  3. Dave Matthews Band
    Ants Marching is the perfect descriptor for how any DMB song makes my skin crawl until I can change the station. this is essentially becoming a list of every band that was ever playing in the background while I was in college.
  4. Bob Marley
    we're back squarely in the "respect the guy and what he accomplished, but…" category. maybe it's because I don't smoke pot, or maybe it's because steel drums should exclusively be used on The Beach Boys' "Kokomo" (sp?) and nowhere else in all of music, but you could save "Redemption Song" and burn all the rest of his albums and I wouldn't mind (plus you'd probably get a nice contact high from it)
  5. Elvis Presley
    I can get through about one listen of "Jailhouse Rock," which barely counts as an "Elvis" song since it's literally just a rip of a basic blues progression in (I'm guessing…) A. granted, if every band that ripped off a blues progression was as popular as Elvis…then every band would be as popular as Elvis. but still. and the only good versions of "Can't Help Falling in Love" I've ever heard were non-Elvis recordings…but I guess bonus points for inspiring a very coverable song?
  6. Madonna
    I'd rather listen to a mixtape from the actual Blessed Mother Virgin Mary than Madonna.
  7. The Doors
    The Closed Doors
  8. U2
    U mad? (yeah yeah, I know, "U" jokes are painfully easy jokes to make with this band, but you know what, maybe don't choose a band name that has painfully easy joke possibilities. to this day I maintain that naming problems are what kept my high school band, Unsolicited Richard Pictures, from really taking off)
  9. Bruce Springsteen
    more songs with born in the title than an anti-planned parenthood rally, The Boss wouldn't even be The Intern if he were starting out in today's music market.
  10. Bob Dylan
    I played a Bob Dylan album and a Bobcat Goldthwait album back to back and could not tell where one stopped and the next one began.
  11. Red Hot Chili Peppers
    a band named for doing to your ears what their namesake does if squirted into your eyes.
  12. …ok I'm done shitting on the artists that I'm sure you love, and I bear you no ill will for having a purely subjective opinion that differs from my purely subjective opinion. and just so you don't think I'm one of those hipster douches that hates popular things just for the sake of hating popular things, here are some hugely popular acts I ADORE:
    Queen, The Beatles, Boston, Michael Jackson, Led Zeppelin, Stevie Wonder, Billy Joel, Elton John, The Eagles, Whitney Houston, Paul McCartney (the solo stuff AND Wings), The Beach Boys, and oral sex (not technically a band/musician, but you must admit is a widely popular act — both domestically and abroad — and has been for decades).