1. I'm out of town
  2. my grandparent died/is dying
  3. I'm a Jason Bourne style sleeper agent for the CIA and they just called in my activation code
  4. I'm at another event (usually imaginary) on the opposite side of town from wherever you are
  5. I'm too inebriated to leave where I am to join you
  6. Kathy Bates has me chained up in a cabin and is preventing my escape with an axe
  7. my friend's girlfriend/boyfriend got too drunk so we had to take her/him home
  8. I'm in Vegas with three of my best friends and we all drank wayyyyy too much last night and we are currently searching for the member of our group that we lost in the mayhem, and Zach Galifinakias is here too.
  9. I didn't have signal and am just now getting your text
  10. I Tom Sawyer'd myself and am currently hiding in the rafters at my own funeral to see if anyone says anything nice about me
  11. I have a meeting
  12. I'm currently fighting/avoiding a robot that was sent from the future to kill me because someday I will become an important rebel general in The Resistance
  13. I'm at the movies
    I watch a lot of movies