POSSIBLE DONALD TRUMP RUNNING MATES. OR, THE SEVEN PEOPLE YOU MEET IN THE OPPOSITE OF HEAVEN

  1. a clone of Donald Trump
    most obvious choice if you think about it, and I would be zero percent surprised if we found out he had a whole basement of these things in water tanks like that movie The Prestige
  2. an easy Oompa Loompa Joke
    not an actual Oompa Loompa, which are occasionally helpful, but the literal incarnation of this lazy joke in human form. we get it, he's orange and has shit hair, but even Wonka's helpers were less cruel than Trump, and they spent most of their days watching/accidentally assisting the deaths of children via candy machinery.
  3. Becky with the Good Hair
    mostly just to counterbalance Trump's awful hair, this wins him a lot of votes with the good hair community AND the people who just enjoy the good hair of others. smartest play on the ticket.
  4. a Siamese Triplet fusion of Pauly Shore, Rob Schneider, and Carrot Top
    essentially just a bio-cyborg built to generate clickbait bullshit nonstop 24/7
  5. the Mon-Stars from Space Jam
    they start out pretty scrawny, politically, but then by using a magic gavel, steal the political powers of some of the top people in politics, making them a cartoonish threat that we collectively underestimate until it's too late and they're about to destroy Earth, not unlike Trump himself.
  6. Steph Curry's New Shoe Line from Under Armor
    Chef Curry's kicks are universally loathed but well funded, heavily promoted, and not going away despite being mocked nonstop by pretty much everyone. not unlike Trump himself.
  7. Every Nickelback Single
    These garbage songs by a garbage band are the perfect "nobody admits to liking them yet somehow they're ubiquitous" VP choice that could pull in votes from all the red states while also staying true to Trump's brand of being pure, unfiltered garbage water dripping syrupy rivulets down the bleached asshole of an unshowered Nazi sympathizer. look at THAT photograph, you twats.