THINGS I HAVE GOING FOR ME

  1. tall enough to reach things on the high shelf
  2. ok credit score
  3. can do a push-up (non girl version)
  4. self-deprecating, saves you the hassle of having to deprecate me on your own
  5. your parents will like me when they meet me
  6. I'm respectful to service people (baristas, waiters, bartenders, ER surgeons, etc.)
  7. encyclopedic knowledge of early 2000s-era pop-punk
  8. will drink your drink if you don't want to drink your drink
  9. solid rendition of Enrique Iglesias' "Hero" available upon request at karaoke night
  10. will make you look great at your work party, am a great +1 at most events
  11. could name drop, chooses not to
  12. slightly uncommon first name makes it easy to not yell out incorrect name during coitus
  13. good smells