I am completely serious. this may be my first and last non-joke list (just kidding (or is that a joke, too??)). this will be the criteria I use to evaluate all romantic partners from here on out.
  1. Tanooki Suit
    all the perks of the leaf, PLUS you get the bonus ability of turning into an invincible statue. idk what kind of premium grade PCP they were smoking when they thought that a natural extension of a raccoon's "powers" included flight and transmutation but I guess it makes about as much sense as a plumber with a teleporting tornado warp whistle. God bless the '80s.
  2. The Boot
    literally no contest. basically invincible and can walk on spikes and stuff. everyone else back off Dustin and i are getting married now
    Suggested by @stephen