1. Salted
    This stuff has made anything you have ever ate with it as an ingredient 100% better. Period.
  2. Almond
    Remember that time when you first heard about this shit? You wanted a PB&J and then some cool friend with a hippy mom blew your freakin mind?
  3. Butters
    Butters from South Park. There are some episodes where he could be ranked #1 on this list. Sweet, humorous and the only one on here that is zero calories.
  4. Hazelnut
    Just a little taste and there is a party in your mouth. This creamy dreamy goo just took your dessert level to an 11.
  5. Peanut (smooth)
    Classic. Consistent. Can't go wrong. Hell you can put this shit on celery with some raisins and 5yr olds will eat it. It's that good. Just try getting 5yr olds to eat the celery and raisin combo without and you'll understand its raw unbridled power.
  6. Peanut (crunchy)
    I feel like a guy named Murray invented this. Murray was a lazy ass that worked at the peanut butter factory and tried to pass off his unfinished work as a "new" thing. Well Murray well done, your lazy ass has forever tarnished the butter world and has disappointed people for decades. Bravo Mur.
  7. Maple butter!
    Suggested by @stephanie
  8. Cashew
    Full disclosure I am not as experienced with this one but man cashews are rad, how can this not be rad in the right setting?
  9. Unsalted
    Why? Just.... Why?
  10. Ghee
    Clarified Butter. Let me "clarify" something for you, you're a sham of a butter. Ohhhhhh this is the "healthy" butter that's just as tasty as real butter? Keep dreaming Ghee, keep dreaming. I will give you props for that Butter Chicken stuff you participate in.
  11. Also "earth balance" which supposedly is oil and not butter but it's stupid good
    Suggested by @stephanie
  12. Apple
    Apple butter? Who the hell called it that.? It's like freaking apple sauce. 10 out of 10 people asked would NOT want apple sauce on their toast. If you haven't had it, just say no the next time your grandma asks if you want some. If she still insists distract her by saying you're getting married, even if you aren't, anything to avoid having to eat this crap.
  13. Nutter
    This is a cookie. Nutter Butters are more icing sugar and oil than a true Butter. Could be so much better. Remember that next time you're wasted in 7 Eleven and are staring at a box of em' like they're a good idea.
  14. I Can't Believe It's Not
    I can.