1. "Guacamole is extra"
    We've all had a taco before champ, we get it. I'm going full baller here and bustin' out the 2 quarters to make this happen. That's how flush I am bitches.
  2. How a seatbelt works
    Thanks flight attendants, wasn't sure how to put these two do-hickeys together.... And wait??? Uh-oh I can't get out of my seat?!! How do I???? Ohhhhhh....... Cheers thanks guys! Now should I help someone else before putting on my own oxygen mask??
  3. "I'm just running 10 minutes late"
    See you in 20 mins complete with a bullshit story about not being able to find parking.
  4. "Sorry I must have missed your text"
  5. Brunch plans this weekend
    Oh my goodness really? You don't say. The fact that you're between the ages of 23 and 32 and that we're subjected to a weekly instagram of Hollandaise sauce and kale smoothies accompanied with selfies with your besties?
  6. Cats
    You like them. We know Internet. We know.
  7. "Would you like fries with that?"
    It's 1 am and I'm in the back of a taxi rolling through your drive through. What do you think pal? I'm not really making great life choices even being here. Hook me up buddy.
  8. "I'm not mad"
  9. "I'm fine'
    No you aren't, that's why I'm asking.
    Suggested by @gilbaron