This is my 1st list. It is not the cheeriest of introductions but life is imitating art at this hot second. **NOTE I specify being outside of New York as I imagine a New York lady would have the height of millennial magic at her finger tips (or could call Gwyneth Paltrow for a chakra purification center). As a Rest of American, I have S'more Oreos.
  1. Stare in the mirror
    Your hair looks amazing even 8 hours after curlers /and/ in slight humidity! He is crazy... Why is my glass empty?
  2. Water, silence, call mom, see mom
    Self-explanatory. And yes this is one step.
  3. The wise decision NOT to watch any more season 1 TRUE DETECTIVE
    They are too handsome and troubled. Plus Time is just a flat circle So I've hurt this way before and will continue to forever ****Plus the girls breasts are all so pointy it's weird (and oddly jealousy stirring)
  4. Drug induced sleep
    **Aleve and Benadryl. Reminder: this is not Manhattan
  5. Wake up and watch GILMORE GIRLS while emailing life coach
    Yeah, List App reader, I kinda hate me now, too. Lorelai, I can't hear my breaking heart as you are speaking 190 words per minute (WPM)! And while Rory never dated an older man, she definitely had a tortured relationship with Edward Herrman who played her grandfather #tooreal
  6. Resist the urge to mentally tear down the rumored new age-appropriate woman
    Ladies, we gotta be better than this... But let's move on quickly as I will never be mistaken for a saint.
  7. Starbucks
    Grande, black, and iced please. Like my soul. (But, sure, I'll try the Classic syrup, thank you for the suggestion)
  8. Get kicked out of Physical Therapy
    Crying while staring at the floor does not qualify as a range of motion. Interested to see if my insurance will cover 15 MIN WEEPING IN LYCRA #obamacare
  9. Call Life Coach: All Relationships End
    Jesus, Jan, I didn't watch TRUE DETECTIVE for a reason, let alone crack open my Beckett for some pleasure reading in my time of need! But all relationship end some way, shape, or form, including death (Disney doesn't tell this story). Not allowed to call myself stupid or believe that this is the end and I am destined to wander the barren landscape of Earth alone... Though it will feel that way.
  10. Cry
    You were doing this before, but this is the first time you realize you're doing it. #progress
  11. Pixar and Popcorn
    Um: duh. Don't over think things. But that volcano short at the beginning was almost too much to bare. Two planetary-masses scoffing at my pain with song no less. I hope the Amy Poehler of my body returns soon.
  12. Glare at Twinkies in the lobby
  13. Cry
    In a Trader Joe's Parking lot. Reminder: well... I guess that's pretty obvious. The first time was at home, but this is quasi-public #progress
  14. Hamburger and Chocolate shake from legit independent stand
    Bag of fries the size of my head for $3.00? Yes, please!
  15. Heineken
  16. Thought: Why the Hell did I buy Heineken?
    Spit take. And repeat.
  17. Focus on just living minute to minute with old episodes of MADAM SECRETARY
    HEAL ME WITH YOUR STRENGTH, CLEAN LINED YET FEMININE SILHOUETTES, AND PERFECTED TOSSELED LOCKS, TEÁ! And clean up India. And fire that girl who plays the eldest daughter because I hate her storyline/character.
  18. Try out this List App business in a desperate attempt to add comedic distance to your present state
    Huzzah, it's working! ...why is my glass empty?
  19. Go to bed knowing you don't have to think about him tomorrow.
    For better and for worse.
  20. Unpopular but True Thought: I hope he felt how much I cared
  21. Believe through the razor wire web of doubt criss-crossed across your chest that This Too Shall Pass
    Hope hurts. But Despair is crippling. Where is my Benadryl....