and I know this from experience
  1. "Miss, you forgot my (anything)"
  2. "We're just here for the free chips and salsa. I'll have a coke."
  3. "Excuse me, are you the manager? I thought you were since you look too old to be a server."
  4. "Is it too late to change my order?" (Because it's always too late. A series of events have already been put into motion that will cause chaos in the kitchen. Not to mention loss of money)
  5. "Would it be a problem if.... (starting a sentence that way will always elicit an internal sarcastic remark from the server. And yes, everything is a problem. )
  6. "Would you mind if we sat over there?" (Yes, "over there" is someone else's table, and now I'm out of a tip)
  7. "Would it be OK if we pay the bill and stay and get caught up with each other?" (Hell no! Leave so another paying customer can sit down.)