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- 1.They make headphones!
- 2.Do men between the age of 50-65 not know about headphones?
- 3.Am I going to get a blood clot sitting this long?
- •I know what I'm trying to say but I have a speed bump in my head
- •I'm not a back street driver
- •Do you think the cop would believe I'm not drunk I just have speed bump in my head? "What's the speed bump called?" WINE!
Ed Burns has one of the most distinct voices in the world. Here are some things it makes me think of
- •Two Brillo pads rubbing together
- •A mouse that's been at the gym for 10 hoursYou know it should sound like a mouse and it does but it's also rough and rugged from all the testosterone it worked up in the ten hour gym session.
- •Morning voiceHis voice is in that constant state of being questioned... "Did you just wake up?" "Were you taking a nap?"
And the reasons why
- 1.Johnny DeppOfficer Tom Hanson
- 2.Kristen BellShe is 1/2 of the greatest couple on the planet!
- 3.Dax ShepardHe is 1/2 of the greatest couple on the planet!
- •I don't get who would want to be a priest... Especially if you're attractive
- •If I were Amish you know what I would do on Rumspringa? Get braces!
- •I have a cold so I guess I'm eating for two.This was her misunderstanding the phrase starve a cold feed a fever.
- 1.Count of Monte Cristo (2002)
- 2.Simon Birch (1998)
- 3.It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
As told by About Time!
- •Walking in wearing makeup that you never wear
- •Sucking up to the interviewer in hopes that they'll love you but being the completely awkward person you are not knowing what to compliment
- •When they ask you to tell them about yourself...
- 1.If @unfoRETTAble and Aziz Ansari do not do a Beverly Hills Treat Yo Self 2017!
BIRTHDAY PARTIES 🎉... Not my thing! 😒
- 1.9th... CANCELLEDMy mom told me if I broke my trundle bed (from swinging from pole to pole like a monkey) that she would cancel my party... I broke my trundle bed.
- 2.11th... Movie had me sobbingI was having a sleepover and movie night. My mom had gone to Blockbuster to get some movies for the night. She got Simon Birch because she said when she read the back it sounded good. It's a sob story and I started crying 3 minutes in. Positive note - It's now one of my favorite movies.
- 3.16th... Ex friend showed upThe boy I liked, me and my best friend went to the movies. The boy I liked invited my ex best friend to join us. NOT COOL!