Requested by Hannah


Thanks for requesting this @hh12995 😊 This is a long one, and not a very funny one (but a slightly educational one) so I understand if you guys want to just skip this!
  1. This is Svenja!
    She fell out of a tree with her brother, Amir, whose picture I can't find.
  2. My friend basically asked if I'd take them because he didn't know anything about squirrels.
  3. I can't say no to animals so I accepted my responsibility as a new mother, and took those babies in
  4. I took them to a vet that specializes in wildlife orphans and found out what all I'd need to raise them as my own
  5. I bought puppy milk replacer, a litter box (to use as their crib), some rags (to use as their baby blankets), a heating pad (for warmth and to put under the litter box), some suction dropper tube things (bottles), a cup to mix the formula up in, and eventually went online and got squirrel milk replacer (my babies deserve the best)
    I don't remember the total but I was a broke college kid so really any of that stuff was out of my price range
  6. I cuddled with them, fed them every either 2 or 4 hours (I don't remember which), and wiped their little asses to make them go potty (nature is weird and gross)
  7. Svenja only lived a couple days because Mother Nature is a cold-hearted bitch. Amir's story is even worse (continue reading at your own discretion - these next parts are sad)
  8. I took Amir back to the vet and I guess she miscalculated his age (which is odd because he was bald. I feel like his age was pretty obvious) and she told me to start mixing in dairy cream with the squirrel formula so he could get bigger and stronger and fatter or whatever.
  9. Baby squirrels CAN NOT DRINK DAIRY PRODUCTS. Their livers are too tiny and fragile to consume cow milk. They need PUPPY OR KITTEN MILK REPLACER or if you want to get fancy and do online shopping SQUIRREL MILK REPLACER but like I wasn't going to argue with the vet ya know??
  10. His lil liver grew and grew.
  11. His lil liver got yellow
    You could see it through his translucent-ish skin
  12. He passed away not so painlessly
  13. I still get sad when I think about that and regret not using my own logic to just not feed him something that I, in my heart, knew was not good for him
  14. I told the vet that he had died and she gave me an older orphaned squirrel that I named Lenya
    She was trying to like train me to take care of wild animals or something????? She was not doing well, though!
  15. Lenya had fur which was convenient because the thing with the other squirrels is that they were always cold. Partly because they were dying, but partly because they didn't have fur.
  16. Lenya lasted about a week before mysteriously dying? I had fed her what I was supposed to feed her (MINUS THE DAIRY) regularly and made sure she wasn't too hot or cold and I wiped her ass so she could shit herself.
  17. I guess nature is just a bitch to orphaned wildlife
  18. Completely irrelevant fact: one of my roommates at the time kept telling her friends that her "crazy" roommate brought "wild animals into the dorm" which annoyed the shit out of me because they were baby squirrels not rabid bears?
  19. That's the end of this anecdote and for anyone that took the time to read this - I'm sorry it wasn't funnier!