6 WAYS I COULD REALLY FUCK THINGS UP RIGHT NOW

Boy oh boy are these some BAD ideas!!!!
  1. Put my car keys in the garbage disposal and turn it on and dump yogurt on it
    (I might need my keys later and I don't like getting yogurt on my hands usually)
  2. Take my pants and underwear off and try to shove them both into my vagina in front of my coworkers
    (We've got a lot of work to do and they don't appreciate distraction)
  3. Text my boyfriend that I want him to eat ham off another lady's tits or else I'll kick him in the brain
    (He's trying to keep Kosher)
  4. Mail my parents my shit with a note that says "give your grandson a kiss"
    (They're out of town and the package might sit there a while)
  5. Drive my car into a lake
    (It's a lease)
  6. Fart
    Never mind I think I'm gonna do this one I'll let you know how it goes