THINGS I'VE TRIED TO GET RID OF COLD SORES

Like a majority of people, I have Herpes Simplex 1, the virus that causes cold sores on your mouth. I've had it since I was 5 so me an the ol' herp have a long history. I don't know if I've tried everything, but I've tried a lot.
  1. Carmex
    Mitch Hedberg's joke about this is correct. It does nothing.
  2. Abreva
    If you want to pay $17 to shorten the life span of your cold sore by maybe a day and have everyone come up to you and say "you have something on your mouth" all day, this method is for you!!!
  3. Red Marine Algae
    Taken in pill form at the first tingle, this is inconsistent and confirmation bias is strong. But it couldn't hurt.
  4. Stabbing it with needles
    This makes it bleed and scar but it's your mouth so a scar basically looks like your lips anyway
  5. Releev
    I actually think this works better than Abreva but you can alternate between both for maximum effect. It's also more transparent which is good for the shame factor.
  6. Acyclovir
    Antiviral med that's kind of hard to get an rx for if you don't have the genital kind of herpes but if you can swing it, it's great. I've heard it can get less effective over time.
  7. Nail polish remover
    You guys, THIS IS THE CURE. Nothing else works like this. It's completely unsafe and totally terrible for you I'm sure, but soak a q-tip and hold it on the sore for ten minutes and then take a break and do it again. It is my worst habit, and I pick my nose in public.