Kind of like a résumé but way more honest.
  1. When I was 15 my best friend became a lifeguard for our city pools. I thought "YES! I'll be a lifeguard too!"
    So I enrolled in the CPR course and took the training but I did it too late in the season so I became a "substitute" lifeguard. I was never called and I didn't reapply for the next season. So, I was employed BUT I never actually worked. Precursor to my chronic procrastination.
  2. I went to college at a JuCo in Arizona out of high school and worked for the athletic department. I ran the concession stand for basketball and baseball games. We would watch the basketball games at the end of the court. I'll never forget this one home game...
    Giphy downsized medium
    ...THE biggest dude I've ever known played post for our team. He's goes up for a rebound, like, 5 feet away from me as I'm watching from the gym foyer area. He comes back down, there's a LOUD pop, he looks directly at me, then starts screaming and calling for his mother. The game stopped for what seemed forever. The ambulance showed up and took him. Found out the next day that he had snapped his freaking Achilles Tendon. So damn intense.
  3. I got kicked out of said college for roofie-ing myself in a Mexican border town and the insane events that followed. So, needless to say, I had to move back home where I found myself working as a movie theater projectionist in a rundown "dollar-movie" theater. The projection booth was infested...
    ...with bats and evil fucking spirits. So, I took about a thousand veladora candles (the ones with the saints on them) and everything the little old abuelita told me would work from the yerberia on the east side. I basically had a shrine/retablo/altar that I would sit by while I was up there. Side note: my candles never caused a fire BUT there was one film I burned on the old school light box of the projector when the reel jammed; Shrek. #ProjectionistProbs
  4. HEB...the best damned grocery store chain this side of the sun.
    We were a good fit. I would show up to work, often in a hungover and/or drug induced stupor, bag some groceries, and then they'd pay me, weekly, at that. It was also right next door to my apartment. I walked. My car (1987 Toyota Celica, gifted by my amazing grandparents) had recently spontaneously combusted. Full-on Flames with only charred remains. Side note: not actual gif of my torched Celly. I ended my HEB job very Office Space-esque, pretty sure I just quit going.
  5. So, clearly, I needed to change my life around. The glamour in waking up on random couches starts to lose its flare after a while. Besides, my family was really starting to question my life habits and that got on my nerves. I guess I was starting to question my habits as well.
    I woke up one morning (on a random couch) and decided that I had to get my shit together. I used my friends Nokia to call the nearest US Coast Guard recruiter. My idea of getting my shit together would be to check myself right in to boot camp. Why the Coast Guard? Beach, duh. Station Vacation. Same military benefits as the other branches but far fewer bullets and jar heads coming at you. Just kidding, well, sort of.
  6. By golly, it worked. After five years of active duty I checked back into school. With a clear mind I completed my degree. While going to school full time I got a part time job at a history museum and worked through my last few years at the University as a museum docent.
    I absolutely loved this job. I would switch from working between the education department where I gave students tours and also went to local elementary's and performed in a puppet troupe to also working in the archiving department. The people that worked at the museum were passionate and I loved that.
  7. I then became the director of programming for the local county's Boys & Girls Club.
    I loved the children and the relationships that I built there but I also saw a side of the non profit realm that I did not like. At times, the raising of money/funds and disseminating it appropriately, looked like something I did not want to become involved with there. I would someday like to take a course or two in nonprofit financing.
  8. I worked as a manager for a large cable corporation for a year.
    This was a decent day job while I completed my teaching certificate.
  9. Currently, I mold young minds. I'm a middle school science teacher and I absolutely love it.
    It's been the most challenging but also rewarding job I've ever had. I'm looking forward to the next 30 years of work. I enjoy trying to continuously master something that I'm passionate about.