IF YOU DO THESE THINGS AT A RESTAURANT, YOU NEED TO COOL IT.

Some times, guests do and say (even DEMAND) things that just leave me speechless. Here are a couple of them.
  1. Ordering off menu
    By this I don't mean asking if you can do the steak with the sides from the fish, or asking for just some grilled veggies as a side. I am talking about some one straight up saying "I know you guys have fish options, but I really want some grilled Chilean Sea bass. Can you do that for me?" Really? What makes you think I just magically have Sea bass on hand? Do you think the seafood fairy just gave me some? Wake up.
  2. Raising your voice to the server
    This I don't get at all. These people, if a professional, is about to bust their buns to make your experience the best they can. Their pay depends on it. They will even go above and beyond in search of a better tip. So why yell at them? You just look like an asshole, you just guaranteed your service will be only Professional at best and down right shitty at worst. These people handle your food, and if the place is shady enough you might get a pube. Be polite, don't flirt, and tip appropriately.
  3. Rushing things
    If you have a show to get to, and you are a little behind schedule, TELL THE HOST!!!! They will tell the waiter and kitchen. We will then light a fire under all pertinent asses and make it happen. Don't say nothing and just act hassled. If you order your food and then two minutes later ask what's taking so long because you have a show to get to, we will probably be able to help. But, if you had just said it up front, we could have done our jobs and made your experience quick but enjoyable
  4. Sending food back more than once after eating most of it
    I will use steak as an example here, but this applies to really any dish. If it's over cooked, ie it's well and you wanted medium, SEND THAT SHIT BACK!!!!! They done fucked up. They should fix it. But if you eat 2/3 of the steak before you say anything, you are an asshole. I have had guests make the same complaint about the same dish multiple times as well as eating most of the dish each time. This means they basically get the dish 2-3 times for free. You know what these people are? Thieves.
  5. Complaining that there are not enough vegan options
    You made a difficult life choice, probably for serious personal reasons. You feel empowered because you made a big lifestyle change and are sticking to it. Good for you. Don't be a douche about it. Vegetariantimes.com puts the U.S. Vegan population at 1 mil. People. That's 0.5% roughly. I am sorry but expecting ever restaurant to have a vegan menu is ridiculous. We will have options, or will whip something up for you, but don't get pissed because there is not a vegan page before the wine list.
  6. Complaining about having to pay for extra sides
    It is food. It costs money to buy and time to prepare. If you ask for a large portion a side, don't complain about a couple bucks added to the bill. No such thing as a free lunch. Ohhhh how right you were of college Econ professor.