1. Bill Nye is the president of the United States.
    So what on earth is that human can of Cheez Whiz doing in the White House? The Secret Service must be falling down on the job.
  2. I am now Kellyanne Conway's boss.
    Should I fire her or just start giving her increasingly abusive assignments until she quits in tears?
  3. Today is November 5, 2018. Get out tomorrow and vote in the midterm elections! Less than 24 hours until Congress goes blue!