Harry Potter and the Battle for America

The Dark Side
  1. Steve Bannon
    Evil creepy bigot in charge.
  2. Donald Trump
    Dumb as rocks, only there at the master's sufferance, basically a rat
  3. Kellyanne Conway
    Pale, unhinged, slavishly devoted to her evil master
  4. Paul Ryan
    Must be under the imperius curse.
  5. Sean Spicer
    Highly unethical hack working to manipulate the press.
  6. Jeff Sessions
    Already judged to be evil but pops up again like a bad penny.
  7. John McCain
    The world isn't made up of good people and Death Eaters, Harry.
  8. Chris Christie
    It hurts when the master turns on you. 😪
  9. Jeb Bush
    The weanie we could have lived with.
  10. Rick Perry and Rudy Giuliani
    Miscellaneous thugs
  11. Alex Jones
    A little uncouth but certainly useful when there's dirty work to be done.
  12. Richard Nixon
    The history lesson no one wants to learn.
  13. Mitch McConnell
    Gross to look at. Calculating and reptilian and dangerous.
  14. Betsy DeVos
    Woefully unprepared for the job. Doomed to fail from the beginning. Collateral damage to innocent students inevitable.