THINGS I WOULD RATHER DO THAN SCRUB MY SHOWER

So much grout. Designers who use 1"x1" tiles deserve a special place in hell to burn.
  1. Adopt a chick and raise it to full grown hen
  2. Slaughter the hen and de-feather it
  3. Make each feather into a quill pen that I'd use to hand copy the entirety of Shakespeare's works
  4. Bread and fry the chicken meat, serve with waffles to a hipster, overcharging of course because the ingredients will be printed on the menu in Hindi
  5. Carve little men from each bone and spend three years trying to sell them on etsy
  6. Spend 8 months in therapy working through my guilt & grief over what I did to the poor chicken
  7. Join a commune that raises chickens solely to roam free
  8. Raise a love child sired by the commune leader until the age of 10
  9. Grow impatient with the commune, leave, and send the child, Esmeralda Franklin Rainwater, to boarding school in England
  10. Spend two years searching for inner peace in the Mojave
  11. Move to San Fransisco, establish myself as an aura mediator, and bring Esmeralda (who prefers "Esme" now)home after a few years
  12. Make Esme clean the fucking shower