I HATED EVERYBODY AT THE GYM TODAY.

  1. That one guy, wandering aimlessly, always right where I need to be.
  2. The hefty dude with tree trunk calves.
  3. The little, rangy guy pacing angrily while chattering on the phone about the deal only leaving "three-fifty in my pocket."
  4. The beefy man who arrived at the gym already smelling like yesterday's barf.
  5. The three young adults with backwards hats and sweatsuits, alternating sets but taking up a huge footprint of space around their machine.
  6. The guy who left a festering lake of hair sweat on the bench and walked away.
  7. The grunter.
  8. The moaner.
  9. The dude doing poor-form curls directly in front of the dumbbell rack.
  10. No-neck.
  11. The emaciated, desiccated, made-up lady who reeks of menthol cigarettes.
  12. The hippy guy stretching his inner thigh on a foam roller.
  13. Your mom.