MILD REPROACH

  1. You put your purse/briefcase on the table.
    Maybe I should create more surface area near the front door. Where else has that bag been sitting? On the floor in a coffeeshop? In a public restroom? Under your desk? And now it's where I eat. Thank you.
  2. You're smoking just outside our office door.
    And the smoke comes inside when we have our big door open.
  3. You left the toilet seat up when you flushed it.
    And all that toilet bowl bacteria whooshed up, blanketing everything from my toothbrush to my towels.
  4. You wore flip-flops on the plane.
    And your feet don't smell so hot.
  5. You put pictures of your kids on Tinder.
    Did you really want the shirtless creeper with the bongo drums to see photos of your children?
  6. You almost ran into me because you were texting and monopolizing the sidewalk.
    Stand to one side, dude.
  7. You're wandering aimlessly at the gym.
    I can't tell which way you're going. I'm trying to get around you. Just want to get in and get out, you know?
  8. Vodka tonic.
    You can do better.