THINGS ONLY A TOTAL DICK WOULD COMPLAIN ABOUT

  1. August Smart Lock doesn't always work, requiring me to use an actual key, sometimes.
  2. Ready to walk out the door, realize I don't have socks on, have to climb three stories to my bedroom to get a pair.
  3. We have the big door open at WideFoc.us World HQ, and someone is smoking down the block and I can smell it.
  4. My Atlantic Monthly was late!
  5. Everybody found out about one of my favorite bars, and now there's no place for me to sit.
  6. The snow at the top of the run is like mashed potatoes! What the fuck?
  7. The Bluetooth connection with my shower speaker is janky.
  8. This isn't a proper flat white!
  9. Justified season 6 isn't free, yet?
  10. You don't have absinthe? How can you possibly make me a sazerac?
  11. There's only one non-porky item on this happy hour menu. At a place known for its pig dishes.