THIS WILL NOT END WELL

  1. You order your first shot a little after 4pm.
  2. There's a row of daiquiri machines behind the bar.
  3. Your pal knows the bartenders by name.
  4. It's Thursday.
    I usually have my daughter on Thursdays, but she's out of town this week.
  5. You just ate a burger stuffed with cheese curds.
  6. The men's room has a trough urinal.
  7. Some grizzled dude just ordered "A Pabst in a can and a glass of ice."
  8. Someone just recommended a boilermaker.
  9. Their top-shelf bourbon is Beam. And you still order it.
  10. For one brief, shining moment, you care about the outcome of the game (even though your school didn't have a team to root for...go Slugs!).
  11. You order the well bourbon.
  12. Shots!
  13. This.
  14. Some girl nearly half your age put her hand on your chest, raised her eyebrows, and said something you couldn't quite hear.
  15. Wait. It's still light out?
  16. "Where are we going next?"