Why I've been absent from ListApp

What started out as a flurry of fun and activity during beta leveled off and then puttered out.
  1. Won Powerball
    I was too busy with the legal aspects of coming into millions of dollars and donating every last cent to make any lists about my experience.
  2. Moved to Crimea
    Bad signal + being part of the underground
  3. Changed my name
    Couldn't figure out how to log in as Eric McEricface.
  4. Finally met that one right girl
    And her lists were SO much better than anything I'd ever written. Love a brainy writer.
  5. Upgraded to iPhone 19s
    The subcutaneous chip that reads your gestures made every list I tried to write look like this: 🖕
  6. Developed webbed fingers.
    It worked! Genetic engineering + gamma radiation. Next step, gills.
  7. Our first single went platinum
    I'm sure you already hate me for the nonstop barrage of "Mastication (everyone does it)." Apologies. #songofsummer
  8. 🍑
    Just kidding.
  9. Was asked by @bj and @dev to give someone else a shot
    Totally respect that. Too much awesome can be intimidating.
  10. I fell off the wagon
    No, literally. At a dude ranch in western Australia. And then I was abducted by aliens.
  11. Ran guns for the resistance
    Super-soakers for freedom!
  12. Fell asleep at the wheel
    Lose control of ONE tugboat, and everybody freaks out.
  13. Guilt
    Every time I looked at the app, I'd get a pang and think, "I really should start doing lists again." But that's as far as I got.