How to Write a Professional-Looking Cover Letter

Nobody enjoys writing cover letters, but it's something we have to do from time to time, so let's form a strategy!
  1. 1.
    Make yourself a cocktail
    Much like approaching someone at the bar, a little liquid courage will loosen you right up.
  2. 2.
    Open your laptop
  3. 3.
    Close your laptop and move somewhere else
    You thought I was going to let you do this in front of the tv, didn't you? Nice try.
  4. 4.
    Open your laptop in your new, quiet, and productive location
  5. 5.
    Refer to the job listing you want to apply for
    Too many people try to do this from memory, but much like your essay exam for your literature class it's important to stay on topic and answer only the questions that are asked.
  6. 6.
    Highlight key words and phrases and consider other relevant phrases that would be good to include
    I swear, if you use passion, creativity, wealth of experience, or synergy, I will personally come over and beat your over the head with your own laptop.
  7. 7.
    Put your thoughts into words, making sure to emphasize your career achievements because even if you don't realize it, you have accomplished a lot
    Unless, of course, you haven't. But that's OK too--then again, maybe if you had tried a little harder at your last job you wouldn't be in this position now, you worthless piece of garbage. But it's not my place to judge and I'm getting all flustered, so let's move on...
  8. 8.
    Awesome! You're nearly there, now you have to proofred your work and correct any glaring errors
    Too many people skip this step, myself included.
  9. 9.
    Shake your head in a disapproving manner as your reread your work
    Don't lie, you knew it was terrible when you were writing it and yet you continued. Don't act all surprised like "oh my gosh, when did this turn to crap?"
  10. 10.
    Relax, we're going to fix this--make yourself another cocktail and let's go through this again
    Persistence is the key; you can't quit now!
  11. 11.
    Repeat the previous step until you have an A+ letter
    (Or you're drunk. I chose the latter. Bonus points if you achieve both, but whatever no pressure.)
  12. 12.
    Share your letter with your dream employer and spread the word on how to write professional letters!