That Time I Fucked Up Meeting Fred Armisen

Fred Armisen is one of my most favorite people. And I tried telling him so.
  1. I should begin by saying that my parents have always told my siblings and I that celebrities do NOT want to be stopped by us regs. "If you feel that you have to tell them something, just say 'I love your work' or 'I'm a big fan' and move on."
  2. Apparently, I took this very seriously.
  3. December 2011: I was walking alone down the sidewalk on Market Street when I see Fred Armisen walking alone straight toward me.
  4. Instantly, all thoughts are on how I need to talk to him. I need to let him know how much he means to me.
  5. Fericito, Joy Behar, Obama, Prince, David Patterson, EVERYTHING on Portlandia. I had quoted his lines since 2002. I needed to sum up how much he meant to me. I needed to let him know how great he was and is.
  6. But the whole while I had my parents in my head. "Don't bother him." "He's probably on vacation, he doesn't want to talk to you."
  7. Just as we crossed paths, I smiled, made eye contact and I (I think) said "I'm a huge fan." And immediately kept walking, didn't even slow my pace to say this.
  8. He stopped when he heard me, and said "Thank you so much!" And waited for me to respond. Like HE WANTED TO HAVE A CONVO WITH ME. So gracious!
  9. I realized this way too late. And I was already five steps away from him and couldn't slow down.
  10. It was like my brain was saying, "He wants to talk! Turn around!" But my legs were like, "No, you've gotta keep going, this is awkward af."
  11. And then I hated myself and my awkwardness for the rest of the week.
  12. The end.