Things My Grandma Said on the Phone to Make Me Very Uncomfortable

I called my father's mother to wish her a happy birthday. I thought it was would be a quick call during the walk from work to my bus. Boy, was I wrong.
  1. "When I went to London in 1981, your Papa and I took the tube, and I saw young people in leather with face piercings and I told your Papa that I didn't want to take the tube ever again."
  2. "The waiter at dinner last night told me that I could claim it was birthday even when it isn't, and he would still give me free cake! I told him I'd take him up on that!"
    That poor waiter doesn't know the hell he's unleashed.
  3. "Your Papa took me to the Grand Hotel in Mackinac Island for my birthday trip.... You've never heard of THE GRAND HOTEL IN MACKINAC ISLAND?!?"
    "Haven't you seen the classic movie Somewhere in Time?!?!?!"
  4. "Anyways, I fell down in our hotel room and I scrapped the skin off of both my shins, and I just stopped bleeding three weeks later!"
    She also told me that my grandpa made a joke about how the cleaning staff at the hotel would think she aborted a baby in the bed. Cringe. Why?!
  5. "I tell you I couldn't stop bleeding! White people have thin skin! Black people have thick skin. So there's one advantage to not being white."
    😦😫😵😧😬😶😲😮😯