WHY I NOW REALIZE THAT WAS ABUSE

LOVE IS BLINDING AND STUPID. This is hard for me to share because im still confused if this was actually abuse because I know people have gone through much worse. And this guy always made me feel like I was the issue so it's hard not to have some blame but I'm starting to come to terms that it wasn't my fault. I can't keep thinking this is normal.
  1. I was 17 and he was 21 (an on and off again relationship for 3 years) I should've known why a 21 year old would date a 17 year old
  2. He poked my stomach and told me I needed to do sit-ups (probably 125 pounds)
  3. After not seeing me for awhile he commented on my weight (maybe 130)
  4. Told me he couldn't wait long for me to have sex (I was a virgin) so I gave in before I felt ready because I thought he would break up with me
  5. I had a curfew to make and once I didn't make him finish in time and he didn't talk to me for two days after speed dropping me home without saying anything the whole ride
  6. He would ignore me for days on end a lot.
  7. He played guitar so I started video taping him and he struck me "because I don't like being video taped"
  8. It was easier to lay there for 5-10 minutes then tell him to stop and have an argument
  9. He continued even when he knew it was uncomfortable for me.
  10. He was homeless for awhile and I let him stay with me in my apartment - but I had to pay for everything at 18 years old
  11. I paid some of his rent once and never got paid back (again at 18)
  12. When my friend was waiting outside to pick me up he chose to tell me he was addicted to cocaine and hid it from me (my friend was way too nice and waited because she could tell he was being manipulative - thank you)
  13. He told me he wanted to kill himself and then blamed it on me (so many phone calls..)
  14. He once broke up with me because I didn't have my license ("what if there was ever a situation where you needed to drive us?" Oh you mean when you want to drink)
  15. Made me leave my apartment every time my roommates were having a party
  16. I bought us tickets to see one of our favorite bands and I didn't get the exact ticket he wanted. So after spending $65 on him he ditched me the almost the whole show and left me crying. Then got mad at me for being upset because I should've been concerned about him. What???
  17. I was having a bad day once and tried talking to him and he responded "I'm not your fucking crutch I have my own problems."
  18. He hooked up with my friend when he was still telling me he loved me
  19. When I got a new boyfriend he called constantly drunk harassing me
  20. I loved this asshole so much and it makes me soooo mad because I gave everything I had to him.
  21. This is the most personal thing for me to post because if he ever saw this he would seek me out but I don't like belittling my experience for his benefit and I have already given him every excuse imaginable. I decided to post it during the proposed share week because this has been in my drafts for awhile and I wasn't sure if/when I could post this.
  22. This is still hard to get over sometimes but it made me stronger and now I won't take shit from anyone. If you've stuck with me this long thank you and please take care of yourselves everyone.❤️