IF YOU WERE A BAGEL OR HOW NOT TO GET HIRED IN AN INTERVIEW

For years, I managed a local bagel spot. Sick of asking traditional interview questions, I lobbied for a more meta approach. If you were a bagel, what type would be? Here are some of my personal favs
  1. Plain
    The most confident of the bagels. Nothing dressing it up like silly seed accessories. A timeless classic. (Hired.)
  2. Everyseed
    People constantly tell me I'm all over the place. (Wasn't sure where the answer was going...) I like to think they mean I'm an enigma, surprise at every turn. (Hired. Though looking back, I should have been less surprised at her consistency.)
  3. Cinnamon sugar
    I like to think I'm super sweet and great with kids! (Not hired. Solely because the bagel biz is cutthroat.)
  4. Jalapeño Cheddar
    Everyone needs a little spice in their life. (Hired. Turned out to be a sarcastic, little shit. Clearly making him one of my favorite employees of all time.)
  5. Honey Wheat
    I'm sweet and wholesome. (Hired. He was. The type of guy you'd want your oldest daughter marrying...after she'd had a good run with the jalapeño types.)
  6. Isn't it really what you put ON the bagel that matters most?
    (Checkmate, bro. Hired and immediately moved to management.)
  7. A hard-boiled egg because I don't eat bagels
    (GET OUT OF HERE YOU BLASPHEMOUS TROLL)
  8. Onion... Because I linger on your breath/mind for days to come
    Suggested by   @piegirl