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  1. 1.
    Everything.
    Every work thing. Every personal thing. Every childhood memory. Every fear about the future. Things I've eaten. The miracle of indoor plumbing. Dogs. Things in the news. Everything. Things I should have said, but didn't. Things I shouldn't have said, but did. Postmen. Whipped cream. Mean things. That scratch on my car. Gross things. Song lyrics. Retribution. What if I could fly? I'm hungry. That girl I met from Canada. My sense of smell. Foot pain. Eyes. My incredibly good life. Ev-er-y-thing...
  1. 1.
    Susan, is there something you want to tell me?
    No. There's nothing.
  2. 2.
    Really? 'Cause it seems like there might be something.
    Really. It's nothing.
  3. 3.
    "It?" If there's an "it" in there, then there must be something.
    No...not necessarily.
4 more...
  1. 1.
    Susan, are you okay?
    Yeah. I'm okay.
  2. 2.
    Really? Are you sure?
    Yeah, I'm sure.
  3. 3.
    'Cause you don't look okay.
    Well, thanks a lot.
10 more...
  1. 1.
    Get married too young.
    (Five days before my 22nd birthday.)
  2. 2.
    Smoke.
    (For 28 years.)
  3. 3.
    Stare at a gorilla in the Pittsburgh zoo for several minutes, literally daring him to react - until he locks eyes with me, vomits on the floor in front of him, and then, as if to say, "Take that, asshole," drags his finger across the vomit and puts it in his mouth -- all the while maintaining his stare.
    (College days. He ate it all.)
11 more...
  1. If you do that with your eyes, they will stay that way. (Not true.)
  2. If you cross the street all by yourself, you will be hit by a car. (My mother said this. Note the use of the word "will" instead of the more reasonable "might." I was four.)
  3. Monsters aren't real. (Yes they are. And usually, they're people.)
6 more...
  1. Remembering to put "make a list" on the list.
  1. You know, for Hungarian Rhapsodies?
  2. One of them can be a Chopin Liszt before you go to the grocery store!
    Suggested by   @evak
  3. And then I'll make dinner when I get Bach.
My wife and I are visiting my daughter, her husband and our two granddaughters. We are known as "Pop & Grammy."
  1. My granddaughter, Mia Louise, asked me about my mother, for whom she's named. "Where is she?" she asked.
  2. "She died a long time ago," I said.
  3. "Yes, but where is she?" she asked.
5 more...