Things I Was Told as a Child

  1. If you do that with your eyes, they will stay that way. (Not true.)
  2. If you cross the street all by yourself, you will be hit by a car. (My mother said this. Note the use of the word "will" instead of the more reasonable "might." I was four.)
  3. Monsters aren't real. (Yes they are. And usually, they're people.)
  4. Toys are for sharing. (Still don't agree with this one, but I do it. Grudgingly.)
  5. What's fair is fair. (But not always to all parties.)
  6. You're the oldest. You have to set an example. (No, Dad - Grandpa's the oldest. And he sets a bad one.)
  7. Dogs can't understand what you're saying. They just understand the tone of your voice. (Complete bull.)
  8. After eating, you have to wait for an hour before you go swimming. If you don't, you'll get a cramp and drop to the bottom of the lake, like a stone. (To the best of my knowledge, this only happened in black-and-white "Senior Life Saving" movies shown at summer camps in the early 1960s.)
  9. You'll feel better after you throw up. (This was true.)