My Top 10 Favorite Dwight Schrute Quotes

  1. 1.
    "Before I do anything I ask myself "Would an idiot do that?" And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.
  2. 2.
    "Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?"
  3. 3.
    "Learn your rules, you better learn your rules, if you don't you'll be eaten in your sleep! CHOMP!"
  4. 4.
    "There's a knife in your back and the blood is gushing down, the blood is gushing down...."
  5. 5.
    "You couldn't handle my undivided attention"
  6. 6.
    "Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own circumcision"
  7. 7.
    "Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones"
  8. 8.
    "There are too many people in the world. We need a new plague"
  9. 9.
    "I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog.
  10. 10.
    "R" is the most menacing sound in the English language. That's why it's called "murder" and not "mukduk"