4 Non-kosher Foods I'd Like to Try

I keep kosher. Weird, right? I was brought up that way, and I continue 2 do so because in a profound way it reminds me who I am. A Jew. But there's a lot of food that looks good that I've never tried.
  1. Cheeseburger -- "Thou shalt not seethe a kid in its mother's milk." How this was interpreted to mean I can't eat meat and dairy together I don't understand, but I'll never feel fully American having never eaten one.
  2. Crab -- I'm intrigued by the process -- the banging and the smashing and the pulling and the sucking. Seems like you burn a few calories as you eat it, which is good. And wielding a tool like a hammer -- but only so you can eat more -- seems like an inherently Jewish approach to construction work.
  3. Frogs' Legs -- Just kidding. Who wants to eat a frog's legs? I'll tell you who...the French. And they can keep them.
  4. Bacon -- Unlike some of these other foods, that I feel I can kind of guess what they'd taste like, I can tell exactly what bacon would taste like: The Sun. Smiles. Financial stability. That pretty girl in seventh grade saying "Sure, I'll go to the dance with you." It would taste like those things.