Weirdest Things About Disney According to a Grown Man
I am at Disney World with Doug, as a present for his 40th. We are not crazy Disney people that wear Mickey T-shirts in any way. I actually was only here once when I was 19 and was so high the entire time I don't remember much. But I wanted to take Doug for an early 40th celebration because he loved it as a kid. We have had fun and learned a lot.
- •It is definitely a part of the Disney corporate culture to have employees not really answer any questions with a direct and succinct answer.
- •People treat vacations as a time when they can just cut loose and act all kinds of fools. Even when they are on a line of 6 zillion sweaty people with no personal space. They hoot. They holler. They lean. They eat. They FaceTime with Great Aunt Helen.
- •Space Mountain is the best ride ever made. Period. Especially when you ride at 1AM and are deliriously tired. I told Doug I thought it was peaceful.
- •Perhaps my definition of "peace" should be examined.
- •People are gross.
- •People are mean.
- •There's a new cute little bear named "Duffy" that is dressed like a sailor and that Disney is pushing. Hard. Minnie made him for Mickey to keep him company on a world expedition. Apparently Duffy returns with a Japanese Hello Kitty-esque lady friend, still to be announced. And a case of the clap.
- •Doug does not approve of Duffy.
- •After I almost throttled a line attendant for not letting me bring coffees on an interminable line for me and Doug, and threw them away in front of her in a histrionic flourish, I found true solace in hating the 16-year-old Christian campers in front of me on line.
- •Gary Sinise's eyebrows are on fleek.
- •The Brown Derby at Hollywood Studio is my new definition of calm within the storm.
- •Tiki decor makes life feel real nice, man.
- •A handful of Jelly Bellies, eaten one at a time to savor each nuanced flavor makes for a buzzy, glorious 20 or so minutes where you really get some shit done. But it ain't so pretty on the other side.