I Got One Hand In My Pocket, And The Other One Is...

  1. Giving a high five.
  2. Flicking a cigarette.
  3. Giving a peace sign.
  4. Playing the piano.
  5. Hailing a taxi cab.
  6. Clapping. One handed clapping.
  7. Making a puppet shadow of a Labradoodle.
  8. Flipping off my dick neighbor, Louis.
  9. Wrist deep in an Asian prostitute.
  10. Cramping and hurts like a bitch.
  11. Slowly masturbating in this drab hotel.
  12. In your pocket, feeling around for change.
  13. Petting a fucking llama! These things are so cool!
  14. Bruised and bloodied.
  15. Placing the last marble on my bingo board. BINGO!
  16. Texting. And I'm driving with my knee. I know I probably shouldn't.
  17. In the shape of an L on her forehead.
  18. Shaking the hand of the president. He can tell its sweaty. He's just being polite.
  19. Frantically masturbating in this drab hotel for the second time tonight.
  20. Performing that Kung Fu move that killed Bill in the movie Kill Bill. I forgot what it's called.
  21. Fingering Harriet Tubman's only living granddaughter.
  22. Accepting a blunt from one of the Jonas brothers. Or maybe its Dave Franco. Idk I'm stoned lol.
  23. Orange... Why the fuck is it orange!?!
  24. Pouring honey on my Aunt Kathy's grave, the bitch.
  25. Signing all the sign language I know. (About a third of the alphabet and the color gold).
  26. Screwing up a card trick in front of all my friends and family.
  27. Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique!
  28. In my other pocket, lightly touching my scrotum.