N64 GOLDENEYE LEVELS

My analysis of all 20 levels of the greatest game ever made. All descriptions are for the Agent difficulty because that's the only one I can beat.
  1. Dam
    A classic beginning to a classic game. Get the Sniper Rifle if you wish but you're not gonna need it. This level is too easy. You can kill Ourumov but he'll come back later! It's worth it though cuz the DD44 Dostevii is badass.
  2. Facility
    Bungee jump from the dam into the facility, climb through the vents into the bathroom and put a bullet in the pooping soldier's head. Despite being a longer level, this is still quite simple. Don't fuck up placing the mines though! You'll regret starting over. Also Dr. Doak is an asshole and wasn't in the movie. Hunt him down and kill him. Tell him I sent you.
  3. Runway
    You don't need the tank. Just do your business and get DK mode.
  4. Surface I
    Boring! Walking in a Winter Wonderland with cardboard forest walls, spend half an hour trying to shoot the locks and thank god that there isn't another level just fucking like this one.
  5. Bunker I
    Move silently throughout the bunker and shoot the god damn cameras before they see you. If they explode then no one cares but if you get caught then all hell breaks loose. Only kill Boris on Agent mode. Kill Ourumov either way. He only has a PP7 this time though. Oh and he'll come back to life again.
  6. Silo
    Go through the door, up the stairs, kill the soldiers, down the hall, in the room, kill the soldiers, up the stairs, through the door, kill the soldiers, turn right, through the door. Sounds monotonous right? Well. Repeat 5 more god damn times. Turn left on the last one because why not. Do it in 3 minutes and unlock Turbo mode.
  7. Frigate
    Free the useless hostages and wait for them to stash themselves in your tiny boat. Put a conspicuous tracking modem on a helicopter on a giant boat on an eerily still ocean and gtfo.
  8. Surface II
    More snow! And the same fucking map! Only difference, the sky is red. A little bit more action heavy but still rather lame. You complete the mission by getting caught. If you escape you fail!
  9. Bunker II
    You're in jail but you're also James Bond so escape using your unconfiscated watch. Leave that bitch, Natalya in her cell until you're ready to leave. She will only get killed immediately. Grab the sex tape and flee!
  10. Statue
    One of the coolest levels. Nighttime run through the junkyard, secret meet-up with fat ass Valentin (shoot him when you complete the objective, it's fun), then you find out that Trevelyan is the bad guy! Go back the way you came but with shotguns. "Rescue" Natalya again. Get caught again.
  11. Archives
    You're being guarded by two men. Kill them. It's too easy. Up the stairs, down the hall, double doors, single doors, rescue the whore, bust out the window. Pretty standard stuff.
  12. Streets
    Somehow Natalya got caught again. This time, if you're not in the tank, you fucked up. Get in it. Don't run over the guys in red and watch out for rockets! Do it quick enough and you unlock Enemy Rockets which is just god damn mayhem.
  13. Depot
    The T is silent. Find the train. Takes about 37 seconds, give or take. No need to kill anybody.
  14. Train
    This level is hard as shit but very fun. Move through the train, blowing up brake boxes as you go. In the last car you'll find Natalya, Ourumov, Trevelyan, and Xenia. You finally get to kill Ourumov (and he'll stay dead). While Natalya geeks out you gotta cut through the strips provided for you on the floor (a 3rd function for your watch) and lead her to safety.
  15. Jungle
    Another super hard level. Don't worry about Natalya. She'll live. Somehow she found a Cougar Magnum though. The drone guns suck but they're easy to kill. Xenia is not. Put your remote mines on the bridge and blow them up when she crosses. She'll still come at you with her sick RCP90/Grendade Launcher combo. Once she's dead you enter the cave and find the elevator. The elevator in a cave in a jungle.
  16. Control
    Far and away the hardest level in the game. Don't kill Boris. No other comments.
  17. Caverns
    Where was this shit in the movie? Chase Trev Trev through the caverns. You'll need about 7-12 card keys to get through every weird hectagonal door that leads to the elevator. (Fun fact: this is the 4th and final level that ends in an elevator). It's showdown time.
  18. Cradle
    The coolest level of any game on the planet. You're fighting Trevelyan on a giant Radio Telescope in Cuba several hundred feet in the air. Follow him and shoot him until the music changes then head to the fabled "platform". Start shooting immediately upon descent or he'll fuck ya. Game over!
  19. Aztec
    Bonus level! Also: impossible. Jaws is a god damn Sasquatch and the drone guns are ruthless. And halfway through it every bad guy gets a laser? Bullshit. If you use cheats you can beat it by sending a rocket to the moon or something. Loosely based on Moonraker.
  20. Egyptian
    This is the most horseshit level imaginable. Find the golden gun (if you can solve the floor puzzle without googling it then kudos). With the golden gun you can kill bitches with one shot but it doesn't make it much easier. Go kill Baron Samedi. Then do it again. Then turn the game off and go outside because you're expected to do it again. This isn't possible. Do not attempt. I repeat: DO NOT ATTEMPT!
  21. This was all based on memory. This was my entire childhood.