1. "People with different opinions hurt my feelings."
    These college kids think they're the only ones on the planet allowed to have a thought. Whenever somebody tries to express a differing opinion, they immediately come running for someone to kiss their "owie." I for one am sick of always having to give these kids "kissies" just because they can't handle someone with views other than their own. GROW A BACKBONE, MILLENNIALS!
  2. "I need a safe space."
    I'm so sick of listening to college students complain about feeling "unsafe" and needing to create so-called "safe spaces". Whenever they get a dose of reality, they'll inevitably run back to their dorm room, hang a blanket over the side of the top bunk creating a wall for the lower bunk, line the interior with fluffy pillows, and make you crawl inside to kiss their "boo-boos." GUESS WHAT? LIFE AIN'T ALWAYS A CAKEWALK!
  3. "I deserve a trophy for doing nothing."
    Last thing I want to do during my already busy day is drive all the way out to the trophy store and have these custom trophies made. Besides being incredibly time consuming, it's very, very expensive. I'm having enough trouble paying rent with all these medical bills because I keep getting mono! SORRY MILLENNIALS, THE FREE RIDE IS OVER!