1. "Can you pick me up?"
    Sure, I mean that's the reason I bought a car.. To make your life more convenient.
  2. "I'll give you $5 for gas money."
    Maybe this was significant in 1995, but not today, cheapskate. Have fun walking.
  3. "Let me get your aux chord so I can play music."
    You've already disturbed my much needed alone time in my car with your voice. I don't need your music to add to it.
  4. "Hey so I'm flying to ________ next week.. Can you give me a ride to jfk"
    Well since you're too cheap to pay for a cab, you're probably on a red eye... Sure I'd love to wake up earlier than you to not go on vacation.
  5. "Shotgun!!
    As a driver, Shotgun usually means I'm going to sit next to the most annoying person in the group.
  6. "I told _______ you'd give them a ride home"
    Ok cool.. So I get to drop off two assholes.
  7. "Can you move your seat up? I'm uncomfortable."
    Do you think that I give a bakers fuxk? I'm too busy making sure we don't die.