1. Be extremely chill.
  2. Approach cautiously.
  3. Chill the fuck out.
  4. Understand that I will always love my dog more than you.
  5. Grammar.
  6. Don't expect me to be your therapist, mother, or MPDG. It's 2016 and Tr mp is President.
  7. Shower me with inexpensive yet tasteful gifts such as books, candles, weed, dates, back massages, etc.
  8. Um. There might be a reading list.