1. A real doucher with a Jew-fro scoffed when I said I had fun in Vegas
  2. The gym teacher thought my plaid shorts were underwear
  3. Everyone else's mom drove a minivan. I didn't have the foresight to realize my mom was the chill one, maintaining her identity as an independent woman of the city.
  4. My parents bought me a sweater I would've liked ten years ago in my high school preppy-dandy phase and I threw a "you don't understand me" shit fit. At 25.
  5. The college lit mag changed my page breaks. I went to the release party... and complained.
    I am a bad, bad person.