Let's "Coin" Some New Phrases
I've decided to wage a personal war against clichés. Let's start with some of the more egregious ones that involve monetary units of some kind. Most of these are horrendously outdated and rendered obsolete by inflation. So let's change 'em!
- •Instead of "a penny saved is a penny earned," let's try: 'Leave your C-note where the interest is'Let's face it, pennies end up in the penny jar. If by some miracle you get a penny to the bank, it'll still take a few hundred years to do you any good. Once you start investing actual dollars in high yield savings accounts, though, it's a different story.
- •Instead of "___'s are a dime a dozen," let's try: 'worth a dozen cat videos.'I've got nothing against cat videos - they're cute, and some of them are Really Damn Cute ™. And there are hundreds of thousands of them! Because really, what the hell can you buy 12 of with 10 cents!?
- •Instead of "in for a penny, in for a pound," let's try: 'don't just call, go all-in,' or 'fuck it, I'm all-in.'The original phrase was derived from the good ole UK, what with their farthings and sterling sand such. Also it's a pretty hedged bet: a pound still ain't worth much. The poker metaphor seems much more relatable.
- •Instead of "that and a quarter will get you a cup of coffee," let's try: 'that and a 5-spot will get you a fancy-ass latte with your name on it.'The original phrase is still somewhat relevant - I'm mostly just updating to reflect inflation and culture change.
- •Instead of "dollars to donuts," let's try: 'my twenty bucks to your Starbucks.'This was always meant to be a statement of confidence and surety. I'm also guessing donuts were really cheap back in the day. 🍩
- •Instead of "another day, another dollar," let's try: 'hittin' that stage for my winner's wage.'Because irony.
- •Instead of "drop a dime on someone," let's try: 'gave you up like a Tinder date.'No one uses dimes in pay phones any more. In fact, I'm pretty sure no one uses payphones anymore. Come to think of it, does anyone use phones as phones anymore?